Sunday, May 8, 2011

It's been awhile...

I've been a little behind the times with blogging lately.  Between my very early miscarriage in April, finishing up school (yay!), and getting ready for vacation (double yay!) I haven't had much time!

I am, however, happy to report that Tom and I have officially placed our names on the waiting list to adopt a baby.  We will remain on the waiting list for 3-6 months, depending on how it moves, and then begin the process of pre-assessment, home study, workshops, etc.  We are REALLY excited and hoping that next Mother's Day we'll be celebrating.

Mother's Day is always hard when you've had pregnancy losses.  In my opinion, it's even more difficult when you have no children at all after having losses.  Pregnancy losses are hard when you have kids, too, I get it, but there's a certain feeling of inadequacy or heartbreak that comes with knowing that you may never have children of your own at all.  While I'm excited about adopting, I feel robbed of the experience of carrying a baby, delivering a baby, and having a baby who will be a part of my husband and me.  BUT, I do realize that I will love our adopted baby as much as any baby that was biologically mine and will care for and raise that child as my own.

At any rate, I awoke with a feeling of dread this morning that another Mother's Day has gone by and we still do not have any living children.  It's a hard realization that I do not even think about most days, but on this day when we celebrate mothers, it's in the front of my mind.


  1. (((Hugs))) Thinking of you and your lost little ones. I know how you feel about the possibility of never carrying a pregnancy to term. That thought makes me sad, too.

  2. It makes me sad too - not being able to carry a baby. I don't know if you watch Grey's Anatomy but this past weeks episode had a monologue at the end that is getting me through the loss and on to believing that my baby is out there. In fact I've copied it onto my iphone so I can read it in the morning. Here's a little illegal copyright for you today :) :

    Just when we think we figured things out, the universe throws us a curveball. So, we have to improvise. We find happiness in unexpected places. We find ourselves back to the things that matter the most. The universe is funny that way. Sometimes it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong.